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Tuesday, March 23, 2010

We fight. Does he love me? Fighting and LOVE

Disagreements will happen. Use it to come closer together.

All couples fight. They may fight over money, or family (where to spend holidays). Couples can fight over who tardiness, picking up the tab, or lack of time together. People fight when they are jealous or insecure.

Fighting can occur when two people were brought up differently, when expectations or needs are not being met, when one partner feels taken advantage of, or when those in the relationship do not want to sacrifice for the other (not a sign of love).

As your relationship progresses and you become more comfortable together, you may not feel like giving up your rights as an individual to fuse together as a couple. If you TRULY love each other, you are going to try to figure out what the problem is, and how you can find a solution.

The best couples are solution-oriented and are fair. Each person sacrifices at times, and is needy at times. Each person accepts the other-- the drawbacks and weaknesses.

Here are some tips on fighting:

1. Fight Fairly.
Don't bring up unrelated topics (like the day he forgot Valentine's Day if it is not your main point). Don't yell and scream and threaten to break up. Be mature. Try to be logical and factual.

2. Compromise and Sacrifice.
This relationship isn't just about you! Nor is it just about him! It is about both of you, so you need to sit down and meet each other half way, so you both give in a little so you feel satisfied.

3. Listen.
Allow one person to talk about their feelings. Listen intently. Summarize what the person is saying, so you are sure you understand.

4. Stand up for yourself in a mature manner and he will respect you
Don't be a doormat/rug. Speak up if you feel that your relationship is not balanced.

5. Suggest a solution
Don't just sit their and nag. Come up with an answer! If you want to be with this guy, use this as an opportunity to show him your love.

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