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Saturday, July 31, 2010

Question Him

Some believe:
I am going to fall in love and it will be amazing.  We will love each other forever and nothing will stand in our way.  Our differences will not get in the way and our relationship will always be happy and fulfilling.


I am here to say - your relationship will likely have problems and differences will arise. Each partner's expectations and assumptions may strain the relationship as your varying opinions arise.


I believe that it is critical you talk about Expectations and Assumptions about the relationship and each other.When you relationship starts to get serious, sit down with your man and discuss details of what your life would be like together if you were to marry.

Here are a few questions you should definitely want to discuss:
The five topics that couples fight about are: sex, chores, children, not feeling loved, money and in-laws.
So these are the major question you want to talk about: (I know this topic seems very boring, but it is Oh- So critical)

1. Who is expected to do the chores? Will the woman do everything? Cook, clean, work, grocery shop, etc. Are you ok with a guy who wants you to do all the chores?

Cleanliness. How clean is he? Does he expect the house to be always organized, the refridgerator full and dinner on the table? What if you work late nights and then have to come home clean up, do the laundry and dishes? How will these tasks be divided?

2. Money
Who will pay for what? Will everything be divided evenly even if you (or he) makes more money?
Will you have a joint or separate accounts. Who will pay the bills and balance the checkbook? Do you need approval before buying items?

3. Kids
What religion will you raise your kids? What will you want to teach them? What do you think is most important when raising children? Should you be strict, or relaxed? Will they go to private school or public school? This topic could cause major problems as both of you will want to love your children and raise them the way you think is idea.

How many kids will you want to have? Will you spoil them?

4. Religion
Will you want to attend service on the weekend? Will you want him to come? Even if you are the same religion, each person has a different view on what it means to be religious.

5. Sex (some may find this topic touchy or too liberal of a conversation, but this could drive couples apart - as one partner feels unsatisfied)
How often and who will initiate?  How high of a sex drive do you have vs. him?

 6. In -Laws: this often causes problems because you each are committed to your parents
Where will you spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, and vacations. How often will you visit your parents? What if your parents are outspoken, insult your husband? How will you deal with pushy in-laws?

When you marry him -- you marry his family!


7. What does showing love mean to him
How does he show his love? Kissing, dates? sex? You baking for him?
How do you experience/receive love from him?


8. Discuss your parent's marriage? How did they fight (you are likely to learn from this method and do the same).


Resources:
http://www.akana.net/Counseling.pdf


Conclusion:
It is so very very very critical to understand each other's assumptions and expectations of your future marriage walking down the aisle.

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